Jimmy.Brainflush.com

Peeps! My great, friendly peeps! You guys rock.. and so does life. The Wednesday that was supposed to suck was perfect. My golf game sucked, don’t get me wrong. But I played well enough to NOT look like a total ass. My boss, Rick Lorrack, I’ve figured out, is a great conversationalist. The weather was more perfect than I deserved on my first course outing. I am now fully hooked on golf, my job, and everything else that goes along with it.
On the back nine, my golf partner, Jeanie, who represents CA, was a pleasure to golf with. She asked me how Rick was as a boss. I told her I’ve never worked for a better boss, and I believed myself. I work long hours, yes.. and I may be over-passionate about my job but the bottom line is I love everything about it. Rick is approachable, laid-back, and responsive to whatever concerns I bring to his attention. And folks, at the end of the day, that’s what counts.
The show was packed last night, and Dave, the web guru, let me in on an insight about Kent, where I performed, that got the audience on my side and laughing right from the start. They were rooting for me during my too-brief 5 minute set. The show lasted til about 11:45, but I didn’t get out of Kent until an hour later, and got lost. I made it home by 2 but I was so friggin’ tired - the good tired of getting through and finishing what you started. Someone asked me how my comedy’s going today.. and I was happy to say “Not too shabby.”
I fell asleep eating my cereal again, but the day was rather productive. I’ve isolated the reporting issue to a point that has me truly believing that my SQL skills are like my golf game.. I’m good enough to not make an ass of myself.
My friend BC and I had a good talk today, and we got through a couple of issues, which was good. I feel like such a lousy friend of late. It’s hard to not be there for your friends when they need you, in the same way it’s hard not being there for my family when they need me.
I never consider my needs of other people, because I’m almost independent to a fault. I apologize in advance to the woman that falls in love with me.
Speaking of women, Angela’s moving out today. She’s moving in with Gianni, and I was shocked at how it affected me. She never mentioned it, so maybe it’s not a big deal. Whatever. I wish her luck with the situation, as it’s one I’ve been through. It’s a great experience IMHO. I told her so today.
I’m going to another open mic tonight, and I’ll let you all know how it goes. With that in mind, good night.. I’ll see you soon.

I wondered if I’ve ever mistaken a white power donut junkie with a coke junkie as I cleaned a bit of stray sugar powder from my face in the bathroom today. It’s been a sugary-high kind of day. Let me recap the remainder of the weekend:
Saturday after leaving work I went to the park by the art museum and just chilled for like two minutes and met this young lady… we just struck up a conversation about the ducks playing out there. I made her laugh and the weather was great. She’s the anti-Angela. First she’s young - like, 19. Secondly, she’s big-boned. I didn’t/don’t hold that against her, because I’m at the age where I would rather see how a new experience plays out before placing all of my old judgemental baggage onto someone before I even get to know them.
So, yes, fair readers, this record-rainfall of chick-magnetism continued through Saturday night. She was really thankful for everything - she’s really poor.. typical student. But she appreciated the door opening, and all the little stuff. Maybe I’m unfair though with Angela. But in all seriousness, her cutting edge style and fashion lead me to believe that she expects more.
Not that she’s materialist - from what I can gather she just likes nice things.. and there’s nothing wrong with that.
I got home late Saturday night and took off the Rolex. 2 nights, 150 dollars later. It has incredible powers. It destroyed my budget forecast, and made me very happy and sociable.
So, I plan on getting back on the getting out of debt bandwagon, naively secure in the fact that I can turn this switch back on at will. At least I realized it was a foolish notion the moment it hit me.
Doug Roomer and the Work Gang
There’s a bit of buzz about this here blog going around. Doug Roomer stopped me and asked me if he was himself in my blog, and I said yes, Doug. It’s you. For those of you other than Doug, please be assured that your real life name won’t be used in my Blog without prior consent. If you think your made up name doesn’t suit you, I recommend creating a blog of your own and calling it something creative like “jimmybrainflushsucks.com”.
I welcome all readers to this blog without reservation or concern. Stuff in here may be personal or intimate but it’s real. It’s my life. I’m not ashamed of any of it. Blah..
Why Wednesday Will Suck
I’ve got a gig Wednesday night, and I’m pissed that I followed through on it. Hopefully I can collect a 5 minute set by then. I’ve got to golf on a real golf course Wednesday afternoon, and I’m ghostly scared. I haven’t set a foot on a real golf course in over four years, and that was while extremely drunk at a wedding in the clubhouse.
Actually playing golf? I don’t believe I’ve ever legally played. Planned on it? Yes. Talked big on the game? Yes. Known what I was talking about or doing? Nope. Possibly a testament to my ability to BS, this has come back to haunt me. My boss, myself, and our two reps from CA, the parents of the Application I call my child, will be onhand for this event which I can assure you will be much funnier than Jimmy’s return to the stand-up foray later that evening.
I’m fourth in the set, and I was given my five minutes as requested. I blame Evelyn for this. Had her paper not carried my ‘riding a small bus to work’ pose in the paper, I wouldn’t have everyone in downtown Cleveland asking me “How’s the comedy coming?” I could have easily buried that chapter in my life and gotten away from it all.
But between you jerks who read this and tell me I’m funny and that I should keep it up, and the depressed look the people give me when I say, “Not to well, been busy with other stuff..” , and officially getting a letter in the mail from my publicist’s company informing me that they were no longer interested in my novel, I decided I’ve had it. So I’ll let you know how it goes.
Well kids, Jimmy’s gotta go pretend he can hit a golf ball while he dreams of crawling into a ball and crying himself to sleep muttering why? god why?
See how carefree your life is?

Just finished reading Hey Nostradamus by Coupland and you know I wish I knew where this all ended. He left the book open ended and I hate that. It only helps to remind me of how open-ended my life is right now.. I drove around aimlessly for about an hour after.. and there were many references to smoking in the book so I bought cigarettes and smoked and I worry about everything all over again.
I feel like a transcient ghost and part of me thinks that I’ll be single forever with only my own inner voice to keep me company forever. And part of me thinks that as long as there are books to be read and experiences to be had I’ll never be lonely. I feel like a cracked egg and that everyone can see my egg is cracked.
I ended up at work to pick up a tape that I can’t find so I started here and that’s that. There are clouds and maybe if I write these clouds into my novel I’ll feel better. I feel an all night novel writing session coming on. I called my publicist to inform her of my new vigor for writing but she’s no longer with the agency. I learned this from a security guard at the building who I thought was mistaken in the way that I sometimes discount the opinions or sayings of people in capacities I deem indifferent. And this tendency within me I think keeps me from caring about or falling in love with women I think I probably should.
Writing off an attractive, affluent and gorgeous woman like Angela last night was the stupidest thing I’ve done in years. Part of me thinks I write her off because she’s everything I want and on some level think I deserve, but on another level believe is totally out of my league. I make up reasons for disliking her partly due to my own personal insecurities on being involved in a relationship. I have so much to learn in this life. Every moment I think I have things together I get a wider lens view where I see the whole picture and discount myself.
We went out to dinner last night after I finished up at my client’s site. It was totally unplanned. I was walking up to my place and she was walking down looking gorgeous and I asked where she was heading and she said to another boring dinner party where she hated being the only single person and I mentioned the notion of blowing it off for a dinner with me expecting to be blown off. Imagine my surprise when she said sounds interesting and asked where we were going to dinner while she whipped out her cell to call Gianni, the guy who I thought was her boyfriend when I first ran into her and telling him she wouldn’t be there.
Gianni is a plutonic friend of hers. Their relationship reminds me of a friendship I had with someone once. I wanted more and she knew it. But that’s another story for another day.
I decided we would go to Fire in Shaker because she was dressed for it and I was wearing my Rolex. I don’t know why or how I make these distinctions but dinner was lovely and everything I think or thought I want or have been meaning to have in life and it was much easier than I anticipated. Only after dinner and getting home and saying good night did I freak out about how well things went.
I didn’t call anyone because I don’t think there’s anyone around anymore who would want to hear of my goings on.. save for you fair reader. I wish I was completely out of debt already because then these things would add up to going as planned but right now they don’t.
I woke up feeling great and went running and went to breakfast to celebrate and after breakfast went to Borders and it seemed like every woman I ran into smiled at me and I don’t understand this. I must be sending off signals. I really wish I knew what triggered these signals so that I might use this more often.
Blah. I’m going to Coventry because I’m a single person with total freedom to do as I wish when I wish, and I imagine there will be a time not too far in the future where this luxury will have a higher price than it does now. And in that imagining, I find myself thankful for all and everything, including you, fine reader, who checks in to see of my goings on.
Hope your weekend is as interesting as mine. If not, feel free to live vicariously through mine. That would most definitely be a first of firsts. Peace out, -Jimmy

So you go through life writing a blog and think that no one will read this stuff. And then someone does when you recommend it, and oddly you’re not as protective or worried or self-conscious as you thought you’d be. This must surely be a sign of getting older. Maybe it’s that you don’t have time enough to care about such things, or maybe on a subconscious level you’re thinking that yes, it would please you if every person you ever met and even those that you haven’t suddenly felt compelled to read.
And it’s Friday. Summer Friday’s are the best. The weather is perfect and just about all things are as they should be. I’m actively pursuing a gig next week down south for my comedy thing because another person asked me how the comedy thing was going today, and it just was the last straw. I hopped over to my web-hero Sam Greenspan’s blog and realized I’m throwing opportunities away again. Dave emailed me with the gig information, so I’m getting a 5-7 minute set together.
I’m still unable to sleep more than 3 hours in a row.. and I wake up in a cold nervous sweat, usually about work. But in actuality I think I’ve hardwired myself to the necessity of getting the MCSE. It’s like even I can’t stop myself from going forward. Somewhere along the line I told my inner core self that if it completed task x and y then it would proceed to task z despite whatever interruptions or excuses I happened to throw along the way. And I’ve tried.
One night a few weeks back when I couldn’t sleep I applied at the Holiday Inn Express, Marathon gas station, and BP Gas station respectively, for part time work. None of them called of course. I blame God for making this all happen. It’s bizarre being disciplined… it’s a very foreign land for your humble correspondent. Between work and study habits I don’t really recognize myself.
So, I’m nearly half way to the last run of the getting out of debt thing, and I’m stalling out with Visa from business purchases and Car Insurance. I’m oddly not freaking about it because the light is truly near the end of the tunnel.
I got a lot of work done today. I worked late last night, and got in today by 6:45. I had some great momentum til about 3, and then I just fizzed out. Oh well, that’s still over 8 hours. I’ve got one client to see tonight, and then I’ve got some web programming for mymousecalls.com to do.
But I overcame a few major obstacles this week, and found direction on some items I’d been neglecting, so all in all a very productive week.
For the first official weekend without TV, I’ve got Doug Coupland’s new book, Hey Nostrademus!, about 5 more chapters in Server2k, Transcender flashers, and the Bourne Identity from Blockbuster from last week. My goal for the week’s end is going to be to finish my last 5 chapters, test out at 90 percent, and get my act outlined for next week.
If I can get a chapter in the book done, I’ll be happy as well. To those of you who have emailed asking for the early chapters of the book, I’ll be posting them (Chapters 1-3) after my second re-write. Expect something in August.
Have a great weekend boys and girls, and remember - take care of yourselves, and each other.

For some strange reason, I’m singing the above phrase today.. It’s the ending bit of a Windows 95 commercial that I think was located in the funstuff directory on the CD. Some day, if I ever get a job as a Jeopardy answer/question developer, I’ll add that as an answer in the following format:
“It’s an audio Daily-Double!” “The following sound comes to us from the rollout of which Microsoft operating system?”
No one will be able to solve the puzzler.. unless someone’s been down on his/her luck during that round. He/she might attempt in this desperate moment, when only they have the opportunity to answer, and come up with something pitiful, like the existing OS on their current PC.
Alex, the one who hawks Old People ‘R Gonna Die Insurance, will turn politely and inform them that, “Ooh, no.. I’m sorry. That is not correct.” Have you noticed Ed McMahon’s not hawking the OPRGDI lately? I think he’s too close to keeling. It might make people uneasy. Just like the one’s where the Grandma’s happily playing with her grandkids, saying she just doesn’t want to be a burden to her kids–they pick actors in their early 60s for those roles.
Could you imagine a late seventies actor in that role? Little bit of a drool, some sentences with a few words misplaced.. and suddenly they wander off the set asking why the kids never call anymore and when are we having breakfast and asking if Benny’s here.. Benny? Benny? I need a haircut! Benny?!
Metallica’d
Saw Metallica last weekend. They rocked. I was sick. Oh well. Had a blast anyways. As promised, there were some rock sluts there, rock sluts who felt compelled to bare their breasts to the applauding crowd. Maybe it was the high level of sun exposure, or maybe it was second-hand potsmoke, but at some point in the afternoon I concluded that world peace could be achieved if more women performed this peaceful exposition.
Metallica’s new album is very Old-School Metallica, which made me think of the first time I heard Sanitarium, or Master of Puppets. It’s hard and heavy that way but faster in a new sense. You can see why I don’t work for Rolling Stone. I’m proud of Jimmy Hatfield for going the Sober route.
In Other News..
Still haven’t touched the novel. Still haven’t touched a cigarette. I guess those two balance out. Haven’t been sleeping well lately.. I blame being sick.
Haven’t studied in about a week. I look forward to getting some done this weekend.
Mom’s visit
I had a blast during mom’s visit two weeks ago. The good thing about going home to Chicago is that it’s detached from here. At some point during the 5 hour treck between there and here the seperation of my Ohio self and home self happens, and all is well and balanced. When home self elements are here, it changes things. I don’t know if that makes sense.
Mom arrived on Friday in the Akron Canton airport.. I took the day off and picked her up, and cleaned house. The weather super-cooperated during her visit. Friday night we hung out at her and dad’s old Air Force friends house in Canton, and I learned a lesson in keeping friendships alive, and accepting people for who they are. Mom has a way of teaching things without coming out and announcing them. I miss that about her. We had a great dinner at Macaroni grill afterwards, where we just sat and talked about things. She asked me when I think I’ll settle down, and I told her the plan about getting out of debt, and then starting to look.
I told her about my acceptance of the fact that I may be single forever, because I have a fear that my standards are too high.. and that the woman that I might fall in love with might think of me as sub-par. But that’s something I’ve already made peace with. And I honestly believe that I’m more than the way I look an that the overall, long term value of me as a stock is a strong buy.
Saturday we went to see the tall ships downtown with Bob and Dar. The weather was perfect again. We had elephant ears and really tasty strawberry smoothies with windmills in them. We didn’t share, as was customary during family vacations… and mom let me pay. We went down to the River’s Edge, and I swear I’ve never seen so many people at that bar. We relaxed that evening and reheated our leftovers from Macaroni Grill in the oven.
Sunday we went to Cedar Point for work’s picnic. I loved my job and the people I work with all over again. I also won a 20 dollar gift cert to Toys’R'Us.
My groupmates stopped by, and I introduced mom to everyone. She told me she would go see a show and leave me with my friends. I didn’t want her to go off but didn’t want to make a scene. I waited for her outside the theater and the show ended quickly. Weather was perfect. We went into this old town area where they showed a movie about Cedar Point’s history that I found fascinating. We ate really good Ice Cream, and mom rode the Wicked Twister after I agreed to ride the ferris wheel. We ended the perfect day with a cheesy movie about a dog that was accused of killing some goats or sheep.
I had then as I have now thinking about it a feeling of love and joy and sadness that mom isn’t around more, or maybe that I’m not around her more. I miss home at these moments, and it seems I also miss those things that are wrapped up in home. And then my eyes well up with tears that make me glad that I’m alone in my office without my officemates.
She did all of my laundry on Monday, and left me a really nice note in my 24 hours book at my bedside. She noted that we’d talk on Sunday. Oddly, I wanted to call her all week but didn’t due to what was in the note. Then Saturday night checking my voicemail I found 3 messages from her checking in throughout the week, and then I realized we had this series of thinking of eachother moments during the week and there I was teary-eyed again, and the emotional kid that I think I sometimes can see in myself every now and then but usually believe has died or grown up reared its head again.
It’s good to know I’m not emotionally dead I guess. It’s actually refreshing to feel emotion again - any emotion.
I’ve been working out heavily during the last week, and I’m doubling up on work out sessions. Seems to have a positive affect.
Kill Your TV
I turned off cable this week, and listed 10 things I should/could do instead of watch tv and left them on my screen. So far so good.
Lastly, I celebrated 2 yrs sobriety since my last post, so here’s to another year of discovering and becoming more in myself than I ever thought possible.
Rock on.

Argh! I want to smoke.. I’m panicky.. or I was. Ha, that helped. Logging on here, just saying that seemed to calm me. Rock on. I’m stupid sometimes. I know this may sound vague.
Sea-Quelled.
I like SQL scripting. Who knew it? I highly doubt anyone understands what I do anymore. While this doesn’t bother me, it also doesn’t bother anyone else. My boss tells me I don’t email or talk to him anymore. He said he feels hurt in a joking manner that says he notices I’m working my tail off and its appreciated, I guess?
He was one of 3 people in line to speak to me when he came by. I was on the phone too with my CA pals working on one of my many issues. CA Support, and their products in all of their cryptic beauty, rock excellently. I love how USD has the Paradigm history and legacy code that I can use in combination with what I hope will develop into mad SQL skills. (See how I tied that up with the title? If only writing my novel were this easy.)
Super Dave, the great dude who allows me to post in this humble space is studying for some of the same tests that I am. I mentioned and shared the tools I found on the App Mgmt side project today. It felt good to share– like in kindergarten good. I hope he can rock the MCSE house better than my sorry self. Who says self-deprecation isn’t good motivation?
Well, I should get back to prepping for tonight’s upgrade. Thanks for listening, and being there. -Jimmy

Hey it’s been a few weeks. Oddly, not much has changed. I quit smoking on the 3rd, which’ll be a week tomorrow. Rock on. Every time I do this, I’m pissed that I didn’t start sooner. The trick I think is to just not go back. Working out helps. So does minimalization of caffeine intake. I behave more normally too. The whole ADD thing doesn’t seem to apply as much if I’m not drinking coffee and smoking. Go figure! Mom’s coming in this weekend. Should be fun. I took Friday off to clean and such. Chubb, an insurance company, is outsourcing their IT department. The company I work for is outsourcing the Mail Room. Dear readers, let’s hope I don’t reflect 3 months from now and say that I didn’t see the writing on the wall. I see it, and it creates a certain level of fear.
I love fear, because it usually motivates me to a breakthrough. Speaking of which, I found some cool MELL tools while working on one of my projects late Thursday, which may be a sign from God that the MCSE thing won’t be as hard as originally thought.
I’ll see how things pan out over the next few weeks. If I don’t take a test by month’s end, y’all can send “lazy dumbass” emails to yours truly. Blogger is now owned by Google, which rocks. Their like, my two favorite companies, and their related. Grooovy.
I’d love to work for Google. I still wear my Google T-shirt, even though the pits are turnin’ yellow. I don’t care. For those of you wondering, if you just keep wearing yellow-pitted shirts, they will eventually eat away. Some one told me that. In a conversation over dinner. We were eating soup. It was gross.
Speaking of gross, I’m grossly behind on my book, and luckily my publisher hasn’t called. Maybe she got out of the publishing business and went into pig farming, my career of choice. - after meteorology, of course.
But computing pays the bills, so that’s how it is. Tall ships are parading along the lakeshore right now. It’s a great time to work in the tallest building around - our view of the lakefront is so spectacular. The partners have even gotten into the spirit, and set aside our largest conference room facing the lake for the occasion.
So things aren’t all bad. My long hours and work product are being noticed at levels I hadn’t imagined. I’m finding balance when I can. That’s about all I can do. Saving up for the last big debt is becoming painful.
It’s really hard to save money payperiod to payperiod. But hey, what can you do? Til later.. Jimmy